Can you relate to this?
“I know what I know, damn it!” (At least I did…. until you said something that contradicts what I could have sworn I knew a minute ago.)
It can be tricky when what I know is true often goes against “the grain”.
I have regularly found myself the dissenter among passionate believers. The one not finding the thing funny that everyone else is laughing at. The one who expresses a point of view that gets blank stares or confused looks. Or being the one with the confused look and blank stare while others around me are enthusiastically nodding in agreement. Sound familiar?
In those times I have found myself feeling very alone, defensive and often on the verge of tears. I have also slid into murky depths of confusion and lack of authenticity.
“If ALL these people are saying pigs can fly it must be true, right?”
“If this person who has studied more than me (or made more money than me, or has a bigger following than me or more fill- in – the – blank than me) is saying that this is the truth and the way, they must be right. I must be mistaken somewhere.”
In the past this confusion and wisdom override has led to me to do things that my soul knows aren’t right for me. I’ve spent weeks in what I call the “fuzzy zone”. Feeling out of focus and lost. This in turn has cost me wasted time, resentment and at times some pretty significant pain.
So why did I do it?
Most of this has stemmed from my lack of trust in my knowing AND not allowing for multiple truths (This can be true for me and not true for another. )
What I realized this week in a soulful conversation with some friends is that the times I feel threatened, when I slip into confusion, when I jump onto what a former mentor calls “the crazy train”, are when I feel like at least one other person needs to see things my way so I can feel like my truth is validated. If they believe it or see it the same, I’m not crazy right?
I unraveled this thread of awareness to its end and found these words: “It’s right for me and that’s enough” . With those words my entire body relaxed and I felt light as a feather. Me knowing what is true for me and me alone is really the only truth that matters! So simple, yet wow! What a difference this already making in my life.
As I was thinking about this today the words of a favorite song popped into my mind.
And the only one that can know
Your yes is the one that lives
Inside your chest
All those others are just
You were born of a wild wind
Here to tear all the burdens down
Start anew with your own hands
Build it up from the very ground
You were born with a strong will
Equally matched by a warm heart,
Creative vision and a clear sight
You knew your work
From the very start
Oh, You’re not crazy
You’re not crazy
You’re not crazy
You’re just sad
You’re not crazy
Oh, I understand
(The rest of the song and the duo who perform it are amazing.They are MaMuse and the song is You’re Not Crazy. You can find the lyrics and download their music here: http://www.mamuse.org/music/youre-not-crazy/)
So for me, the question becomes how do I stay in the space of “It’s right for me and that’s enough?”
I giggled as I realized “Of course! It goes to the foundational pieces that I teach my clients.” :
Stay rooted. Deeply connecting to my relationship with nature and to what’s authentic for me.
Knowing what a yes and a no feel like in my body.
Listening to my body and my knowing.
Trusting me, my body and my knowing above ANYONE else.
Letting go of the need or desire to be right. This not only allows for me to be teachable, it lets me be at peace when what I know is for me and me alone.